how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
