Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
