There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
