i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
