I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
