i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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