a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
