He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
