I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i believe in u and ur pee
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
