Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
