Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
