party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
