So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she told me i tasted like america
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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