Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
