DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize