Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
