I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
