I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
