Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
