There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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