I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
