You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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