i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
