Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
