i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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