They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
