So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
