we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
