Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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