then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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