I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize