I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
