Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
