Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
