I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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