i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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