i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
