i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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