He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
