i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
