I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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