Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone came in the potted fern
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
