You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pants are for mortals
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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