I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
