I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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