I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
