I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
