I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
