we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
