just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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