That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
