sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
