he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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