At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
