Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
