New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
