So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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