i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
