What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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