Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
