she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
