i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
