best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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