We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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