I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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