quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
