mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
