don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
