What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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