I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
