I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
