I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
