We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
