Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
