I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize