I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize