You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
