I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
