I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize